“This is a story of selfishness and greed,” she writes, “of self-centeredness, envy and the ignorant folly of a person too short-sighted to realize she should count herself lucky because her college education didn’t have to be paid for with the milk of a goat.”
Warner’s proposed title for this woeful tale: “I Can No Longer Afford to Drive My Car.”
What ensues is a lengthy apology from Warner, accompanied by a self-deprecating list of excuses that explain why the writer and her family purchased the Land Rover in the first place. The catalyst for their folly, she claims, wasn’t necessity, but a game of “keeping up with the Joneses.”
“Why on earth did we buy a car like this?” asks Warner. Why, for that matter, did anyone? Surely, she’s not the only driver full of remorse.
Warner writes:
In fact, until late 2004, a lot of people went out of their way to buy precisely these monsters [S.U.V.s] because -– if you can believe it -– the government actually offered a tax break for buying a car that weighed over 6,000 pounds if you were self-employed and needed it to transport heavy work machinery. Like farm equipment. Or a laptop. [My emphasis.]
Warner’s previous car was a 1997 Ford Explorer (“wide-bodied seats! cup holders everywhere!”). “If the Explorer was a car for getting fat in, slurping Big Gulps as your butt expanded to fill the velvety seats,” she writes, “the Land Rover was a car for beating back middle age.” Now, however, Warner’s worried she’ll waste her retirement money on fuel.
“Oh, how are the mighty fallen now,” she laments. Warner reports that the good old days are gone for her Land Rover, which sits parked in the garage or at the metro station. She’s considering making it useful by turning the retired S.U.V. into a guest house. With damage already done, however, Warner’s apology may be too late.
Photo via flickr by Andy Davy
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I spend a lot of time in Boston, though I don’t live there…but this seems genius! I would love to go for a long walk or bike ride with my friends there…it’s so pretty!