A satirical article in The Onion yesterday takes the oil industry and their laughable green posturing to task. The hypocrisy of companies lik Shell, Exxon Mobil, and, in this case, BP trying to appear pro-environment in their advertising and PR is difficult to stomach. They drill wherever they can, with the US government’s blessings subsidies, and war-support; bank record profits, and do more to increase global warming than any other companies – all the while trying to maintain a green veneer.
The Onion article, “written by” Tony Hayward, CEO of BP:
Ever since we changed our name from British Petroleum to BP (Beyond Petroleum) in 2000, we’ve led the way in developing progressive, environmentally friendly alternatives to gasoline. These last few years of pouring money into biofuels and renewable energy sources have been so great that I can’t for the life of me remember why we used to drill for dirty old oil in the first place! What’s that? You mean we’re still pumping that stuff from hundreds of refineries all over the world?
You know, I guess I’ve been so caught up in trying to make petroleum obsolete, I plumb forgot we’re still in the business of selling fossil fuels. Oh sure, oil used to be a big thing with us from 1901 until after the new millennium, but these days I’m so busy with all the green-themed advertising campaigns and making a lasting commitment to our children’s future—well, I just haven’t thought about our worldwide system of oil fields in months! Funny how things just slip your mind when your multinational energy corporation vows to make obsolete the very product that brought it an unstoppable cash flow for over a century.
Hmm, I wonder if we still have that international chain of service stations filling SUVs with tank load after tank load of gasoline. Nah, I’m sure I would have heard about it, even though I’m pretty occupied lately thinking about how BP is solving tomorrow’s problems today. I’m pretty sure all that "gas" stuff was phased out in the ’90s right before we changed our logo to that sunflower shape and completely refocused our priorities from being the world’s second-largest supplier of carbon energy to literally saving the planet single-handedly.
Read the whole article, in all its glory, here.
Photo via flickr by Vlad Lazerian.
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Wow just like congress!