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Introducing Hummer H8: The Earth F@#ker

by Kate Trainor on April 7, 2008

H8_POST Introducing Hummer H8: The Earth F@#ker
Tired of tip-toeing around the Hummer’s inherent incongruity with things like caring for the planet, giving a damn about anyone’s safety, or working towards national energy self-reliance, the auto manufacturer has officially proclaimed*, “Screw it!”

From Hummerh8.com:

As a Hummer H8 owner, you scoff at weight limit laws, you dare hybrids to use the car pool lane, you’re not afraid to ignore your blind spots, and you do your best to eliminate that pesky Ozone layer! More than anything else, you know you’re better than a Hummer H2 or Hummer H3 owner because H2 + H3 only equals H5! Once you get your 5.9 mpg Hummer H8, slap your "No Fear" sticker on the back, install your 30" bling bling wheels, you’re ready to avoid puddles and mud like nobody’s business. F@#k Mother Earth, she likes it!

 

Rather than attempting to make its new vehicle line appear practical or functional, as was the tactic with the H2 – an oversized Chevy Tahoe with a extra heavy cover  – or downsizing to pursue customers who might give half a crap, the approach with the H3, Hummer has elected to stop pretending to be something that it isn’t with the new H8. The name itself is popular shorthand for “hate.”

Hummer is going directly after its critics and refocusing marketing on their core customers:

Look at this attempt to ban our beloved behemoths! Don’t they know we don’t need to follow any laws written by girly men? Somebody needs to tell them that Hummer H8 owners follow a higher power. Apparently they don’t know that the "H" in Jesus H. Christ stands for "Hummer!" Who cares if we’re contributing to the destruction of the environment? Who’s to say that it’s wrong to put other peoples’ lives in danger? What’s wrong with being at greater risk of rolling our vehicles over? Jesus Hummer Christ doesn’t see anything wrong with it, so why do these people?

* Yes, this post references a parody and, no, neither General Motors nor Hummer are in on the joke.

See also: Picking on Hummers
SUVs Need a Warning Label
Indians of the Concrete Jungle
In London, Biggest Polluters to Pay a Higher Price

Related posts:

  1. Want A Hummer, Little Girl?
  2. Can Obama Turn Hummers into Treehuggers?
  3. The End of Hummer
  4. Carbon Credits Clean Conscience
  5. Picking on Hummers
  6. Recent Posts

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Christopher Reeve June 3, 2008 at 10:51 am

I like the idea about not being able to drive from one zone in a city to another. Excellent. The number of people that would ditch their car would outnumber the extra fuel burned, at the same time making it easy for people to use a car to pick something heavy up from a shop.

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