Last Saturday, Lady Liberty formally announced that her long-standing affair with the automobile was over, once and for all. The original Miss America decided to call it off in honor of the New York Auto Show, with support from her friends at Streetsblog.

Streetsblog staged the event, dubbed “The End of The Affair,” at the Jacob Javits Center in Manhattan, where the auto show is held annually.

Here’s the official announcement:

All things must come to an end, and so apparently it now is for America’s love affair with the automobile. Swept off her feet more than 100 years ago with promises of freedom, comfort and status, Ms. America has now had a change of heart. “The oil addiction, the misguided foreign affairs, the skyrocketing bills… it’s just gotten to be too much,” said Lady Liberty in a recent statement.

…"I’m just ready for a change,” says Lady Liberty, "and frankly, this relationship has just gotten to be much more work than it's worth. My health, liberty and freedom have suffered greatly, and now I hope that my new relationships will finally give me security and happiness."

At the event, a reverend presided over Lady Liberty’s remarriage to three new suitors—Walking, Bicycling, and Mass Transit—for a polygamous and car-free ever-after.

Since our bronzed Miss America has dumped her gas-guzzling ball-and-chain, other Americans, we hope, will follow suit. Streetsblog may jest, but their metaphor is apt: many Americans are locked into their car ownership like bad marriages; it’s a high-maintenance, unfulfilling, and unhealthy relationship devoid of love, but one many Americans are afraid to live without.

See also: Wisconsin Grad Student Divorces his Car.

Cartoon by Andy Singer, via Streetsblog.

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