Exxon: Exxposed and Punk’d!

This past summer, Yes Men “agents” managed to infiltrate GO-EXPO, the biggest oil conference in Canada. Two members of the organization posed as industry executives and delivered a presentation to over 300 oilmen.

Although not exactly “new news,” Exxon’s recent record-breaking third and fourth quarter profits provide an excellent excuse to revisit the Yes Men’s political action. Besides, Carectomy didn’t exist when the caper went down this past June – and it’s too cool for us to ignore.

Among the big topics of discussion at the Calgary, Alberta conference was the nearby Alberta Oil Sands project. As the reality of peak oil looms on the horizon, oil execs will squeeze oil wherever it may lie, in spite of recent reports that the Alberta Oil Sands is the most destructive project on earth. Huge amounts of toxic runoff, greenhouse gas emission, and wasted water top that project’s list of injustices to the planet. Extracting oil from tar sands is horrendous even by the oil industry’s standards.

It was in response to this type of callous disregard by the oil industry both for the planet and its inhabitants that the Yes Men sprang into action. Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonanno posed as National Petroleum Council (NPC) representatives “Shephard Wolff” and “Florian Osenberg,” respectively.

The two NPC “reps” were allegedly on hand to deliver the much-anticipated findings of an energy policy study commissioned by US Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman. The NPC and the study are headed by former ExxonMobil CEO Lee Raymond – the most vocal global warming naysayer in the oil industry.

The solution proposed by the “reps?” Vivoleum!

From The Yes Men:

"We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant," said ‘NPC rep’ ‘Shepard Wolff,’ before describing the technology used to render human flesh into a new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum. 3-D animations of the process brought it to life.

"Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of fossil fuel production," noted ‘Exxon rep’ ‘Florian Osenberg,’ "With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left."

The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit "commemorative candles" supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the flesh of an "Exxon janitor" who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill. The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video tribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles after his death, and all became crystal-clear.

It wasn’t until this point that the oil-natives became a little restless. Simon Mellor, who helped to put on the event, physically removed the Yes Men from the stage and had security escort them from the premises. While en route, “Shepard Wolff” further explained the beauty of Vivoleum to the congregating press:

We’ve got to get ready. After all, fossil fuel development like that of my company is increasing the chances of catastrophic climate change, which could lead to massive calamities, causing migration and conflicts that would likely disable the pipelines and oil wells. Without oil we could no longer produce or transport food, and most of humanity would starve. That would be a tragedy, but at least all those bodies could be turned into fuel for the rest of us.

We’re not talking about killing anyone. We’re talking about using them after nature has done the hard work. After all, 150,000 people already die from climate-change related effects every year. That’s only going to go up – maybe way, way up. Will it all go to waste? That would be cruel.

Wolff/Bichlbaum’s proposal, while absurd and much more direct in its disregard for human life, fits right in with ExxonMobil’s business model. The figure of 150,000 annual fatalities he cites comes from a 2005 World Health Organization study (Washington Post link).

ExxonMobil continues to reap record profits, and funnel chunks of this money to misinform the public about greenhouse gases and global warming. And President Bush is the company’s lapdog. Despite Bush’s words about America’s addiction to oil, the administration has placed the energy-reigns squarely in the hands of our number one oil-pusher.

With Lee Raymond shaping the nation’s future energy policy, expect the temperature, and the world’s related death toll, to rise. As Exxpose Exxon, a Greenpeace-funded watchdog, reports, “ExxonMobil is the only oil giant directly funding junk science and groups that deny the science of global warming{link].” As other oil companies look to new, cleaner possible futures, with ExxonMobil, it’s oil business as usual.

From Exxpose Exxon:

Taking a page from big tobacco’s playbook, Mr. Raymond directed ExxonMobil to spend $19 million to fund front groups to create an echo chamber of doubt around the science of global warming. As recently as June 14, 2005, Mr. Raymond told the Wall Street Journal, "it’s yet to be shown how much of this [global warming] is really related to the activities of man."

Lee Raymond turned ExxonMobil into a rogue company even among its peers. The company vocally opposes U.S. energy independence and presses for deeper reliance on oil producing nations such as Saudi Arabia where the company has sunk heavy investments. Mr. Raymond’s legacy is to deny that oil dependence is a problem. ExxonMobil is the only major oil giant calling renewable energy an "uneconomical" investment.

Photo via flickr by Grant Neufeld & sepponet.

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